


alone together

by pendules



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-19
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-12 07:15:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/808799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pendules/pseuds/pendules
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post-S8 finale. <i>Cas takes a bus.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	alone together

Cas takes a bus.

When he reaches the bunker, it's two days later and they're eating breakfast and watching the news.

Dean just stares, and it's not like he hasn't been thinking about it, a lot, but he stumbles over the words. "Are you - are you hu -"

Cas just nods, and it's not sad or happy or anything in between. It's just an acknowledgement of a fact. Dean didn't think he'd be so detached from it all.

"So what - what do we do now?" Sam says, because someone has to, and they've been sitting on their asses for two days, not knowing what to do, waiting for this, for _Cas_ , and now...

"I don't know," he says simply.

Sam looks exasperated and sits back down at the table, but Dean just keeps looking at him.

"Tell us what happened," he says, once he's sorted out the jumbled mess of thoughts running through his head at that moment.

Cas nods again.

*

"So - Metatron -"

"Is a traitorous son of a bitch," Cas finishes.

Dean just stares at him again, wide-eyed. Cas is definitely committing to this being human thing, but he isn't sure he'd pick himself to be a role model.

"So Naomi's dead," Sam states evenly. "And Metatron's caused every single angel to fall to Earth."

"Yes," Cas verifies.

"So - what? Heaven's shut down now?"

"I believe Metatron's taken control of Heaven's activities."

"Well, that can't be good," Dean finally says.

Cas shakes his head. "No, it's not."

"So - do we take it back? How do we even do that?" Sam asks.

"I don't plan to get involved," Cas says simply, and now they both stare at him in shock.

"What - Cas, it's your _home_ -"

"It's not anymore, Sam. I've found out things recently that makes me think it never really was."

"Cas," Dean says, gently, not really a question. He's kind of scared of what comes next.

"I should have suspected it. Naomi - and the others - they've been controlling us, all of us, all along. I can't - I can't go back to that."

"But you - you can change it," Sam argues.

"I think we all remember quite clearly the last time I tried to change things in heaven," he says grimly.

Dean's gaze drops to the tabletop.

"But we can't just do nothing," Sam's saying, but he's not quite hearing it.

"It's not your fight. Not anymore. And I don't want to return to heaven. But - but I have to try to help my brothers, at least." He looks sad, for the first time, and a bit distant.

"Yeah, we'll help," Sam says eagerly. "Won't we, Dean."

He takes a moment to react.

"Yeah. 'Course we will."

*

Sam's manically Googling, trying to round up all the places where the angels fell, and Dean just needs a break to think, maybe clean his guns, that's always been a deeply calming process for him.

Of course, the minute he's alone, someone's knocking on his door.

"What, Sammy?" he yells.

"Dean." And that voice is definitely not his brother's. It's already slightly lighter than it used to be, he's realised, but it still has that weight in it that only comes from seeing as much as he has, lifetimes and lifetimes of death and suffering and unspeakable evil and beauty too, he'd like to think.

It feels really wrong to not talk to him right now.

He looks kind of apprehensive to cross the threshold of Dean's room but then he does.

"You were here, when you prayed to me, weren't you?" And he looks so open, maybe the most open he's ever seen him, because he's always been hiding things, whether it was deliberate or not, since the moment he met him. Maybe he's finally letting that go.

"You - you heard that?" And he's not angry; he kind of doesn't have the energy anymore.

"I'm sorry - I'm sorry I didn't come." He's not looking at him and then with a sigh, he carefully sits on the very edge of the bed, like he doesn't want to disturb anything.

Dean joins him as he continues talking. "I'm sorry I left - with the tablet. I should have trusted you. I just didn't want - well, something like this to happen. It's my fault, Dean. I shouldn't have trusted Metatron."

"Hey, we all did," Dean argues quickly. "It's not - this isn't on you. And I'm not mad. Seems like we have slightly bigger problems now anyway." And it's kind of ironic, because there's always something bigger, it seems, there's never an end to any of it. He kind of gets why Cas is being so zen about this, because being human means maybe he has a chance, a chance to get away from it. Of course, there's never really any getting away from it. They both know that too well.

"Yes, we do," he agrees heavily. "We - I can't just leave them out there, lost and confused and - alone." It sounds like he's not just talking about the other fallen angels. It sounds like he's speaking from experience. Dean just wants to tell him, _Hey, hey, you're not alone, you've never been._ But maybe he hasn't always lived up to that for him, for anyone, not even Sam. As much as he's tried. He's just as guilty in this.

"I like your room," Cas says, after a moment has passed, and it's sincere. And that in itself is weird, because Cas doesn't really express appreciation for things so casually, especially not for something so mundane.

"Yeah, it's awesome," he says, smiling a little. "I haven't really had one, I guess, since I was a kid." And Cas knows this, obviously. Cas probably remembers more of his life than he does. At least the parts that weren't erased.

"I guess I never had one," he says quietly. And he sounds so sad, and Dean's thinking about what he told them that morning and having your skull opened up so many times that you're not even sure who you are anymore and how grateful he is, suddenly, that Cas is whole and safe and right next to him.

Because maybe the two of them have never really been alone in the world, but at the same time, they always have been.

His hand almost unconsciously finds its way to Cas' where it's resting on the bed between them.

Cas just lets out a tiny surprised breath and he looks down at their intertwined fingers and then up at Dean's face, and he isn't sure why he does it, maybe it's the fact that he's so utterly human right now, and maybe he won't be tomorrow or a week from now and he won't have the chance, maybe it's because he has him here, now, and he can't go anywhere for once, maybe it's easy for just a second to feel like they're normal, like they're teenagers awkwardly sitting next to each other on a bed while Radiohead plays in the background, maybe Dean just wants him to know that he has a home, as long as they're here, as long as Dean's here, he can be that for him. He doesn't want to feel like he's a failure anymore. 

It's just a light brush of lips and Cas' eyes are open but he doesn't pull away or get scared and when Dean moves back an inch to see if maybe he's fucked everything up, he gets this oddly serene look on his face, but it's not angelic, it's so human, and then they're kissing again, eagerly, and his hand finds Cas' neck and then moves to his chest, and he's so warm and he can feel his heartbeat right under his fingers and maybe he has a soul now too, and Dean can imagine how bright it is. Maybe even brighter than his grace.

When they eventually stop to breathe, Cas just rests his forehead against Dean's, eyes shut, and he's so peaceful that Dean almost wants to never move from right there.

Instead he says, right against his skin, "You can stay as long as you want."

And maybe that's all he's ever wanted to hear. Maybe it won't be forever, maybe they're living on borrowed time even now, but as long as they can, they'll live.


End file.
